Watch: STOP Method video
A few seconds of pause can change what happens next.
The big idea: STOP is a four-step practice that helps you slow down when a strong emotion is pushing you to react. The letters stand for Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed.
Why it matters: Strong emotions can make quick reactions feel automatic. You may fire off a message, raise your voice, walk away, shut down, or say something you later wish you had handled differently. STOP gives you a short period of time to notice what is happening and choose your next action more deliberately.
You do not need to make the feeling disappear before you act. The goal is simply to create enough space to choose what you do next.
How to use STOP
S: Stop
Pause what you are doing for a moment.
If possible, do not send the message, make the accusation, raise your voice, or make a major decision yet. You are not ignoring the problem. You are giving yourself a chance to respond with more information.
Even a pause of a few seconds can be useful.
T: Take a breath
Take one slow, comfortable breath in. Then breathe out slowly.
Pay attention to the feeling of the breath entering and leaving your body. You can take another slow breath if you need one.
Slowing your breathing gives you something concrete to focus on while the first rush of emotion begins to settle.
O: Observe
Notice what’s happening without immediately trying to fix it or judge yourself for it.
Start with your body. Is your chest tight? Are your fists clenched? Is your face hot? Are your shoulders raised? Is your heart beating faster than usual?
Next, notice your thoughts. Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself about what just happened?” You might notice thoughts such as, “He never listens to me,” “I’m going to look stupid,” or “I need to deal with this right now.”
Then name the emotion as clearly as you can. You might say to yourself, “I’m angry,” “I feel embarrassed,” “I’m worried,” or “I feel hurt.”
You don’t have to decide whether the feeling is reasonable. For this step, you are simply noticing what is present.
P: Proceed
Choose one intentional next action.
Keep the action small and realistic. You might decide:
“I will wait 10 minutes before I answer this message.”
“I will say that I need a minute and step outside.”
“I will ask what they meant before I assume I know.”
“I will lower my voice before I keep talking.”
“I will come back to this conversation after I have had time to think.”
Proceeding does not always mean continuing the conversation. Sometimes the best immediate step is to wait, gather more information, or move somewhere quieter.
Why these steps can help
Breathing gives you a point of focus: Paying attention to a slow breath can help interrupt the feeling that you have to act immediately.
Observing helps you gather information: Physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions can all influence your reaction. Noticing them can help you understand what is driving the urge to act.
Naming the emotion may reduce emotional reactivity: A UCLA brain-imaging study found that labeling an emotion was associated with reduced activity in the amygdala when participants viewed negative emotional images. The finding suggests that putting a feeling into words may be one useful part of regulating an emotional response.
You can read more about the UCLA study here.
Choosing one next step restores intention: You may not control what happened or how you initially felt about it, but you can still make a choice about what you do next.
When to use STOP
STOP can be useful whenever you notice a strong urge to react quickly. You might use it:
During an argument with a partner, friend, coworker, or family member.
After reading a message or comment that makes you angry.
When you feel criticized, embarrassed, rejected, or misunderstood.
When you notice an urge to drink, scroll, withdraw, or shut down in response to stress.
When you feel close to saying or doing something you may regret.
The earlier you notice the reaction building, the easier it may be to use the steps.
Practice before you need it
Think of one situation where you often react quickly. It might be a particular conversation, person, topic, or way something is said.
Picture that situation and quietly repeat the four steps: Stop. Take a breath. Observe. Proceed.
Practicing the sequence ahead of time can make it easier to remember when emotions are running high.
Keep building the skill
These skills are part of the Men & Journey Tools, a collection of interactive and video resources designed to help you turn useful ideas into repeatable practices. The Managing Anxiety Toolset includes an Interactive Workbook and an Essential Skills tool with this practice and other strategies you can try.
You can find this practice in Managing Anxiety Toolset → Journey Tools → Essential Skills tool.
Sign up free at learn.menand.ca or access all of Men &’s tools through the Men & Collection.
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Need to talk to someone? These skills can help you manage difficult moments, but they do not replace professional or crisis support. You can call the Men & Men’s Resource Line 24 hours a day, seven days a week, at 1-833-327-MENS (6367). If you are in Canada and experiencing a suicide crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 at any time.